Truth or dare.

Years after I started writing my thoughts, I am no closer an answer to the original dilemma of censorship.

Should I write the truth; because I owe it to my grandchildren to leave behind words that are  all brutally true and from the heart, or do I massage the truth a little to make it more palatable.
To photoshop or not.
That is the real question.
The truth as I remember it might already be altered by my perceptions and unconscious biasses, so that even it I were going for honesty, straight between the eyes, I couldn't absolutely guarantee that it would be an accurate depiction of reality.

To water down the truth and paint over the rough spots might make things easier, and more entertaining to read, but this would be a conscious effort to alter the reality.

The reality that exists in my mind might be boring, offensive and might even offend or hurt some of the characters in this reality show.

So we are literally back were we started a decade ago.

Why do we write  what we think?

What do we hope to achieve by putting ideas into the written word.

The simple answer is that I wish I could read words written by Moosa Vanker, my great grandfather from my mother's side.
I think he might have thoughts that he would have wanted to share with me.
My grandfather SA Parak was a remarkable man, and I would love to be able to access his adult thoughts, as an adult myself.

My grandfathers, both of them, spoke a lot to me and I remember much of what was said, but sadly too little.
So much of what they  shared with me is gone. Wasted.

Because I was too young to appreciate what they  were giving me.

Now it's my turn to reach out to my great grand daughter and tell her who I am, who I was and what I thought.

My DNA might exist at the core of her, but that DNA will be more her DNA, than mine.

Just as my DNA might come in parts from my various ancestors, but exists in me in a unique combination.

The thing that is mine, right now is the stuff that goes on in my mind.

And that's what I want to give her access to.

Should I describe myself in ways that make her proud of her bloodline and make her lineage appear Nobel, or would she appreciate the truth, warts, and all.

Ten years into this exercise, I still haven't decided on what exactly I would want to tell her.

So I have to work in reverse and ask myself what I would have wanted to know about my grandfather, maternal or paternal.

What part of his life do I really wish he shared with me.
Do I really want to know about his every day and every thought. Maybe it might be entertaining and help understand the world as it was, back in his day.

I could just read period pieces, and history to get the facts of the times as they were back then, so it's not so much about what was going on, as much as what was going on in his life.

What were his concerns and fears, his hopes and dreams.

Did he have doubts about his decisions, remorse for his choices, moments of weakness?

Things he might have said or done that he was ashamed of?

If I read this,  I could maybe relate to him on a level that would explain the way my head works the way it does, and what exactly my DNA was saying.