fake it, till you make it.

In the mid nineties I had just gone out on my own and was finally exactly where I needed to be.

Fake it till you make it.

We knew exactly where, and who we wanted to be, and we had all the trappings of success. 

"Nothing succeeds like success", I always said, and we totally dressed the part, and talked the talk.

It was all total bullshit, and in hindsight we didn't have a clue, but at the time we were "driven", and it seemed clear that if you looked like a big shot, people would treat you like a big shot and you would get invited to play in the big leagues.

That was after all what it was all about. We wanted to play with the cool kids. To attend their parties and rub shoulders with the who's who. 

Despite not having two coins to rub together, I took a loan from the bank, under false pretenses, and decided that I needed a car to advertise my success. 

To broadcast my success. 

The only smart, yuppie car, who's repayments were remotely within the realm of the  possible was the new  BMW 3 series. 

To be precise it was the baby of the range. 

They had just introduced the 316i as the base model to make the car more affordable to the masses. It was perfect for the plan, but the 316i badge made it look like we could not afford the 318i (which in fact was the case). I would have bought the 318i if I could afford the repayment, but we couldn't.

Since the plan called for a 318i we decided on a little ruse.

The car we bought was brand new and a 316i, but the dealer was told he had to change the badge before we took delivery.

It was truly fabulous. White leather seats, all the bells and whistles. It even had a fancy sound system and we were thrilled. 

The monthly  repayment was a constant source of stress but it was totally worth every Grey hair. 

Then one day I went to my cousins home for a function and all of them came out to see the new car. My cousin asked for keys and he got into the driver's seat. He knew his cars you see, and as he  drove a 318i. My fears were realized when he had this confused look, as he began to see the differences. 

The game was up and I came clean. 

It was, at the time very embarrassing to have been called out like that and it has been a lesson that has stayed with me. 

Over the years the "fake it till you make it" paid off and we really did make it but we never played that card again. 

We learnt that integrity was the currency that was more valuable than the false admiration of your peers and that there was no shame in living within your means. If you did an honest day's work then you didn't have to boast to anybody. In fact there is a tipping point behind which you were better served by having your peers think you were poorer than you actually looked. 

So I drive a beat up 15 year old Prius and I will not change it, unless it dies. I probably can afford pretty much any car I want, but projecting my success is not a priority at all anymore. Don't get me wrong. I do care what other people think and I want their approval as I have always done but the difference is that now the only validation that has any value comes  from those who have earned my respect. 

I care deeply what they think of me and try hard to earn their respect. 

M Parak. 

April 2021

Epilogue. 

It's August 2021.

I wrote earlier this year how I bought a new BMW and disguised it as a 318i when in fact I couldn't afford that model. 

It was actually a 316i that no self-respecting person would be seen dead driving. Or so I thought at the time. In that article, I described my evolution from "fake it till you make it".

At the time I was so desperate to appear as "successful" that I engaged in the elaborate deception. My cousin called me out on my lie and that embarrassment has stayed with me. I have learnt from that experience and I now wear what I want and drive what I want and don't live for the approval of others. 

The other side of this is what I now refer to. 

When somebody has a house warming and invites you to their home. They are not asking you to their home so you can show them the cracks, and the poor workmanship, or the walls that aren't straight. They didn't call you to their home to tell them how they were overcharged and how they could have gotten better for less. 

What they expect from you is to be happy for them and to share their moment of pride. For you to say how you love how the (garish) colours match the drapes. How it's the best house you have seen in ages, and you hope they will make a home filled with love. Even if the house is oppressive and ratty and offensive, bite your tongue and say something nice. It's what they who entertained you and opened their homes to you are expecting. It's the least you can do.  They might not have your wealth, or your sense of style, or your access to decorators and engineers. 

They are just doing the best they can. 

In light of this, I wonder why the cousin who noticed me passing off a poor mans car for a luxury sedan found it necessary to expose me. 

Aug 2021.